Lately, I've been sleeping alot. I get disappointed in myself. I keep hoping it will get better, but it hasn't so far. The last time I went to my psychiatrist, she told me to up my dosage of abilify. The lamictal takes such a long time to kick in that this would help meanwhile. So far, it hasn't worked. I woke up at 7:30 am and ate breakfast. I was so tired that I just went to back to bed and slept until 1 am.
I'm sick of Christmas songs playing everywhere. I know no one will ever read this blog, and it sucks. I wish my word was in print everywhere. I wish I was on the cover of a magazine. I wish I was rich and famous and could walk into any place and have people wanting to know who I was. But, I'm nobody. Just an average schmo, so when I go to these stupid parties, events, clubs, Christmas parties or what have you, I have to introduce myself to people and talk to people that I can't stand.
Life is so unfair. I don't deserve this. I deserve better than to be an average nobody working at an average job for an average salary. I hate life. I'm unhappy. I want to travel to other places where I can relate to people. I want to visit and maybe live in a place where people accept you for who you are. I want to visit and live in a place where everyone is one big happy family and pleased to share their joy with you. Maybe that dream is too much of a utopia and that's the problem. Maybe the reason I sleep so much is that my dreams are more interesting and fun than my reality. I don't know. Or maybe I'm just too tired to deal with reality.
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